Losing Sight

My thoughts raced.

Surgery? Today?

No driving for a few weeks? Right before school starts and in the middle of the boys practices and games?

I was already missing a day’s worth of activities, Open House for my 10th grader and Supper Club for our breast cancer survivors.

I am not sure what made me feel more anxious: the thought of the eye surgery or not being able to be mobile for weeks.

Focus, I said to myself quietly.

I took a deep breath and did the only thing I could do in that moment: I prayed.

And then I texted friends to pray for me.

I still was not crazy about the notion of someone sticking anything in my eye (and no, I do not wish to stay awake for this procedure…thank you very much), but I felt a familiar calm wash over me. I was able to make a few calls to get the boys situated and to my husband who would meet me at the hospital.

I have been here before, I thought. This time I know what to do.

I will ask for help.

I need help because I can’t do this alone.

That sentence seems so simple, but it is one that often makes some of us feel defeated, like we are less.
Isn’t it ironic that we all want to feel needed, but we don’t want to need anyone?

But God never intended for any of us to walk alone.

1 Thessalonians 5: 11 : So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.

I believe there is a piece missing in this verse. In addition to encouraging and lifting others up, we need to accept at times we must be on the receiving end of that command.
I could not be an encourager had I not been encouraged by others. Helping others means that I must also learn to accept help.

My first go around with a significant health problem, the last thing I wanted to do was ask anyone for help.
I thought I was strong willed enough to get through whatever I needed to do.
I was always the helper, not the one who needed help.

What do they say about pride?

God gave me a strong dose of reality with a serving of humble pie.

You need help because you cannot do this alone.

And God, who is so good, showed me that I was definitely not alone.

I was reminded daily with calls, cards, texts and meals.

Letting others help was a little like playing tug of war. I had to learn to let go and not pull back when others offered to help.

Now after eye surgery, my sight is not clear but my focus is sharp.

I can say, “I need help because I can’t do this alone.”

I no longer see my need for help as a flaw in my character, but rather focus on the blessing of having people around me who are willing to cook a meal or give rides to my kids.

Once again, God has reminded me that being too busy makes me lose sight of needing time to be still in His presence as well as needing to be present in the lives of others.

I thank Him for never losing sight of me.